Two weeks ago I had a very dark depressive episode and the only one who was willing to journey into the shadowy recesses of my mind in an attempt to bring me back to earth was my mother. She was there for me, just listening while the toxic venom that is depression poured out of my mouth and into her ears. When everyone wrote me off as being lost, when people were afraid to come near me because they didn’t know what to say, she was there, reassuring me that my friends were still my friends, that I was still loved, that I wasn’t alone.
Now that I am thinking with a clear head I realize that this is the role of the mother. She is the one who would move heaven and earth to find you, she would journey to the underworld to bring you home, she wouldn’t rest until you were back with her, if you were lost…if you were gone. My mother is Demeter while I am Persephone and for her spring does not come unless I am here walking among the living. When I have descended into darkness, Queen of the Underworld once again, she waits knowing that I will always return to her and not resting, never resting until I do.
Today is Mother’s Day and I am grateful that my mother is still with me; I’m grateful that she’s still here and that her love for me is so deep and so unconditional that she would never abandon me, not even at my darkest. Even when I have a hard day I’ll still say aloud to anyone or no one, “I want my mom.”
But there are those of us whose mother is no longer available as a source of nurturing and comfort whether they have transcended this world or whether they simply aren’t present. To those people I would like to say this: A mother is anyone who would be willing to follow you into the dark just to hold your hand and wait with you until you are ready to return to the light. A mother is someone who loves you as deeply as they are capable of loving, someone who teaches you and guides you, someone who accepts you unconditionally for all that you are even if there are parts of you that are gruesome and messy.
Death does not stop the mother for her energy which has been sprinkled back into the stars is still with you as Demeter was always with Persephone; and sometimes you must take that energy and use it to mother yourself, to be kind and to love yourself as no one could love you. That is the magic of mothers: a love so strong that words or thoughts could not describe or comprehend the magnitude. A love this intense can only be felt and when the physical body of your mother is not in your life you must take into yourself the love of the universe, of the earth, as mother to us all and breathe in her magic to quell your pain if only for a little while.